Chapter 31 – The Mayor of Windfall

I walked back over to the town square without a care in the world, and I didn’t pay one bit of attention to my hangers on.  All two hundred of them.  Arranged behind me like some sort of off kilter cosplayers, was the majority of the Falconian Royal family, and they wanted to talk.

Of course, just acknowledging them would be losing the first point in the upcoming conflict so I walked in silence while they waited for me to ask them what they were about.  It was a petty bit of diplomacy, but I knew that part of the game well.

The town knew what was going on quickly enough.  As I walked, I nodded at the townsfolk and they cleared out, giving me the whole street.  The looks they gave the Falconians ranged from annoyance to morbid curiosity. Zorlando was treating the whole experience like it was a military parade and spent most of his time waving to the crowd.

Finally, we got to the town square and I glanced over at Windfall Cathedral and the Town Hall, noting that both were in an excellent state of repair.  The stained-glass window was finally in place and had an image of Badgelor waving at the crowd.

I’d have to use that image somewhere.

Everything around me was Badgelor themed and I sensed my companion through our bond. He was still unconscious, resting after his last conflict. The novelty was that I could probably have him order the Falconians to accept me and they would. Of course, I wouldn’t be the real mayor then.

I stood before the fountain, with the spray of water Badgelor was spitting out spray behind me. When I’d first got here, this was a field, now the town square was typically bustling with activity with numerous market stalls. There were literally hundreds of Windfallians and Falconians peacefully coexisting in a manner they hadn’t done in centuries.

I slowly turned around to face the horde of royals, spying several who had positioned themselves in the lead.  Princess Julia was waiting, she figured out where I was going entirely too quickly for my taste. Standing next to her but slightly behind, because Falconians were all about social standing, was the jerk from the Golden Badger named Lance, who was a cleric that seemed to want to be a wizard.

There were so many of them. The crowd contained no fewer than 27 Julias, which was a name reserved for the upper portions of female Falconian adventurers. They appeared to be slightly better equipped than their peers on the whole.

Noticeably absent was the Duke or the Duchess.  My unexpected return caught them out of position, and my walk had been more or less to confirm they were not quickly available.  There was no real chance to avoid all of them, but if I hurried, I might be able to defeat them in detail rather than as a combined front.

Finally, Julia spoke in her loudest, proudest voice, “Jim, we would like to discuss with you the status of the war effort.”  She still chewed on Jim, my name was still the equivalent of Spot the dog on Ordinal.  It was just that this particular ‘dog’ looked a bit too mean to properly make fun of.  It was fun to make sport of a newbie adventurer, right now they were unsure and I still reeked of brimstone.

She wasn’t calling me Mayor though, and I considered the implications of that. I had been of the opinion that she was more firmly in my corner, but perhaps with her whole family here she decided she had a firmer leg to stand on.

“Anyone in the city of Windfall is free to speak their mind,” I replied evenly.  That was something from Grebthar’s time, he always made sure anyone could tell him anything, until he got annoyed with the practice.

“Like mayor Fenris has been totally telling us that you were arriving here post haste, and you’ve totally snuck in here like some sort of chode,” said Lance, in regal Falconian which was entirely based on either a bad understanding of Bill and Ted or a valley girl accent.  I glanced over at him coolly.

“I was not aware I needed anyone’s permission to do anything in my own town, please like totally continue fer sure my dude,” I said.  His eyes flickered golden, showing that he at least wasn’t stupid enough to miss the slight.

“Like Windfall is Grebthar’s most excellent town,” replied Lance coldly.

“It is the Mayor’s town,” I replied.

That stuck in Lance’s craw sideways.  He glared at me for a moment, trying to work himself up to denouncing me.  I was pretty sure at least one of the Falconians was going to do that. One of them was going to belly up and declare the obviously fake mayor a fraud, but that was much easier in the abstract than when you were looking at me in the flesh.

“Why is someone’s bladder check listing partial failure,” said Shart glancing through my eyes. “Oh, you are in big boy mode. The big dog approves.”

I wondered what his problem was when the Duchess stepped through the crowd and walked straight over to Lance. The resemblance was uncanny. Lance’s flash of relief was absolute as he moved over to her, though Princess Julia looked less than delighted.

“Where is Badgelor,” asked the Duchess promptly, possibly she was trying to defuse the situation, probably she was trying to undercut my authority.  The Duchess was much better at politics than the Duke was, which was why she was in town rather than out in the field.  The Mayor needed a war badger after all, and mine was missing.

“He is in Badger’s sleep,” I said calmly.  “Our escape from Newark was not pleasant.”

“Seriously, Jim,” chuckled Zorlando. The steely eyed Falconians started glancing at each other over that. Newark was not a place anyone went, even high-level adventurers seldom dared a trip. At minimum, you didn’t go to Newark without a good reason and the fact that I had and survived was going to confound their plans.

“I was hoping for an excellent adventure but that was a bogus journey,” I chuckled, this caused the Falconians to bristle.  My command of valley speak wasn’t great, but I did love some Keanu and Alex.

“Righteous,” said Zorlando formally.

“Fine,” hissed the Duchess realizing that she was losing the crowd.  “Where is your crown?”

“Shall I wear it all the time?” I asked.

“If you had it, you’d never remove it,” replied Lance.  Lots of the Falconians nodded.

“A Crown is heavy,” I said watching the crowd.  It was swelling now, filling the square as everyone came to see this moment.  Lorraine was here with the Dandies but was having issues moving them through.  “We should do this in my office.”

The Duchess snorted, moving into my tiny office meant fewer witnesses.  That in turn meant that she could ‘interpret’ what was said behind closed doors to her advantage.  It was a rookie mistake, and one she could use to own benefit.  She nodded curtly towards the town hall, “If we must, after you.”

“Not there, my actual office,” I said, opening a portal at the fountain.  As Mayor I could open up portals to certain structures I controlled, and I had a slightly better place than my town hall office in mind.  The portal shimmered and revealed a wide-open room that led towards a throne.

“One moment,” I said.

I stepped through, Zorlando following right behind me. Then I sealed the portal to travel.  The trick with your specialty was that you kept earning points for it that you needed to spend to learn new things.  I invested in all of the strange portal manipulation runes I could find.

Right now, you could see through the portal, but that was it. No traveling, no sound, no spell casting. No one could do anything except look on uselessly. I saw an almost flash of annoyance from the Duchess.

We ran into a startled looking Dalton, who had his sword drawn at the appearance of a sudden portal.  The sword looked like something that Game’s Workshop would have sued over.

“Just don’t call him a Marine from Space,” said Shart.

I snorted, “You have any advice?”

“I suppose ordering them to help you is out of the question,” replied the demon, who was terrible at politics.

“I’ll figure it out,” I replied as Dalton stopped, examined me carefully and sheathed his sword. I was about to say something when he picked me up and hugged me.

“You survived,” said Dalton. “Fenris kept saying it, and I could feel in my manly heart that you had, but still, you are so small. I assumed there would be problems.”

“Nice armor,” I said after he put me down. I was looking at the alabaster white plate armor and mentally reordered the armor sets I had prepared for gifts.

“Thank you, Jim,” replied Sir Dalton as he peacocked for a moment. Dalton really liked showing off his armor, and I’d seen teenage girls showing off dresses with less gusto than he was right now.

I’d crafted the shimmering portal at the top of the stairs of the viewing area of the throne room in the Castle of Windfall.  The massive room was so large it had what amounted to three distinct sections.  Against the walls were the viewing areas, and those were effectively bleachers for anyone not doing official business.  The main part of the room was the audience level, where the actual petitioners could sit on nice benches while they waited to talk to the Mayor.  The throne was on a raised platform directly underneath a breathtaking stained-glass window.

The stained-glass window showed a massive purple velociraptor giving a double thumbs up, as it should be.  I loved Badgelor, but seriously if it wasn't called the Wind’s something, it was badger related and the little furball had enough of an ego.  I did not need him staring down and judging me at work.

I got enough of that already from the real Badgelor.

“Bench no baka,” I said as we got to the audience level, and I caused the benches on either side of me to vanish into my personal storage.

“I think those are supposed to be there,” said Dalton.

“I’ll put them back later,” I replied.

“Ashe didn’t mention that we were doing this today,” said Zorlando, suddenly uncomfortable.

“I wasn’t planning on it either, but I saw an opportunity,” I continued mentally summoning Fenris.  He was in the castle, or I would have waited.

“Well, it's just, she didn’t have time to clean up…” began Zorlando as I banished the last few benches into my inventory.

The benches were all spotless, I didn’t understand what he meant and then my sometimes-annoying Master Perception skill kicked on as I examined my throne.

“Seriously,” I growled.

“Ashe expressed that the cushion was perhaps not as comfortable as it needed to be for the Mayor and I suggested we… test it,” said Zorlando.

“I could have managed,” I grumbled, glaring at Zorlando.

“Jim,” said Dalton.  “You cannot fault a gentleman if he has urges, and sometimes variety is the spice of life.”

Damn Master Perception.

“From Zorlando I expect this sort of betrayal, but you too?” I growled, trying to figure out how to clean off the upholstery in a hurry.

“SueLeeta has needs, lots of needs, all the time,” said a haunted Sir Dalton when Fenris strode into the room.

“I don’t care if she has needs, you are not to do that on my throne,” I stated.

“I’m sorry Jim,” said a recalcitrant Fenris, “It is my responsibility, and I should have been more cautious.  But sometimes people have urges.”

I stared at Fenris for a long moment, not even recognizing him.  “Et Tu?”

The warden shrugged, “And I wouldn’t use your office chair either until it's cleaned.”

“Please tell me you at least didn’t let OttoSherman in here,” I groaned.

“Would that make you happy?” asked Fenris.

“Ecstatic,” I ground out.

“Good to know,” replied Fenris carefully. He cleared his throat.  “Also, maybe the desk.”

“I Zorlando would recommend cleaning the credenza,” said Zorlando.

“And the cot,” replied Dalton.

“Perhaps, also your armor stand,” said Zorlando.

“How?” I groaned.

Zorlando grinned.

“My leather armor,” I groaned. I didn’t wear it anymore, but it was my earliest set of walking around armor.

“That will need cleaned,” said Fenris.

“HankAlvin has a cleanser that gets… it will clean it right up,” said Sir Dalton.

“Cushion no baka,” I said, banishing the cushion from my chair off to my storage space.

“Ahhh,” screamed Shart.

I inhaled. People from Ordinal were horny. I could accept that. Changing them would be like asking a zebra to change his stripes, or Badgelor to stop complaining that he didn’t have any dragon to eat. In short, it would be impossible, but I didn’t have to be happy about it. And I didn’t have to let them do it on my stuff.

“No more, the next time I catch one of you doing something on my stuff, especially my credenza, there will be consequences,” I growled causing each man to nod solemnly.

I spent a moment glaring at each of them and to my surprise even Fenris shirked back at my glare. That was a bit much. They were my friends, and they were horny dorks. I had to accept that.

“Good, now that the potential locations of your romantic escapades has been cleared up, I have toys,” I said and then started rooting through my storage.

“I can taste this, I think my mouth is pregnant,” yelled the demon as I pilfered through my own supplies. I handed a sword and shield over to Fenris and a great sword to Sir Dalton.

“This is a black cauldron steel shield, with dragon scale,” said Fenris in awe looking at the circular shield with a large velociraptor painted in the center.

“Yup, the alternating rings of red dragon scale render it immune to fire, and the white ring renders it immune to cold.  The blue scales in the center should be able to take a hit from the unpronounceable hammer,” I stated.  “I guess you could also throw it if you practiced.”

Look, Charles wasn’t the only one who liked Marvel movies.

“And this sword hilt looks exactly like Excalibur,” said Sir Dalton.

“Funny thing that,” I muttered.

“These are too fine of gifts, we cannot accept them,” said Fenris as I handed Zorlando over a shinier suit of armor and a much less fancy sword. Dalton looked pained as Fenris tried to hand the shield back to me. He was clutching his new toy protectively.

“Don’t worry about it, I was trying to make something that could kill the Dark Overlord and those were the rejects,” I said.  Sir Dalton banished his terrible cosplay sword and pulled a sheath from his inventory.

“I dub thee, Excalibur II,” stated the knight.

“Before your daughters name it?” I asked.

“Yes, I learned that lesson two horses ago,” he replied before he slid Excalibur II into his old scabbard, at which point it sliced through and fell into the floor.

“Oh, here’s the sheath,” I said, handing him what amounted to a forcefield woven into giant leather.  “This stretches out to accommodate any length of blade.”

“It appears kind of wrinkly,” said Dalton.

“Yup,” I replied and hoped he didn’t ask what part the leather was from.

“This armor is amazing,” said Zorlando flexing his fist.  It was made with Orichalcum, so it was more golden than any suit of armor he ever possessed.  Orichalcum made gold look yellow by comparison.  He touched the side of the helmet, causing the visor to shut.  As he felt along it he whooped, “My armor has my mustache!” That was his pride and joy, he’d just die if anything happened to it.

“Game faces,” I said calmly, and unsealed the portal.  A young man fell through almost instantly and tumbled down the stairs.  I pushed the portal back several feet as he stood up.  The man was an adventurer and falling down some stairs wasn’t really all that dangerous for someone like him.

He brushed himself off and looked around the throne room.  The effect was impressive.  As a Falconian he was raised on stories about this place, about this chair, and about this Mayor.  I just wished I could have made it a bit more majestic.

Then Ashe, Rose and a sleepy Batista ran in.  Ashe spared a moment to look at my chair and exhaled when she realized the cushion was missing, before all three girls began singing something out of lord of the rings.  There were no words, but it added to the fantasy value to the room immensely.

More Falconians began spilling into the room, catching the full impact of the place and me on the throne.  As the final few Falconians walked down the stairs to the audience chamber, they finally came to grips with the new order.

Some accepted it, and some bristled.  The Duchess was a bristler.  Her expression was pure murder before she got it back under control.

“The Mayor will now hear from the petitioners!” yelled Fenris, slamming his heel to the ground so hard that the sound reverberated over the singing. It sounded like a gavel calling court into session. Everyone looked to me.

“Is this ceremony really necessary?” I asked Fenris.

Fenris nodded, “It is if you want to be…”